Summary: Inspired by a prompt given by isaac_of_nine, Remus realizes his feelings for Tonks.
Word Count: 926
Can the Order post to Tumblr?: Yes
If yes, your Tumblr username: I don't have one
I remember the first time I saw her, a little over two years ago. It was the first meeting of the newly reformed Order of the Phoenix, and she was standing in the back of the kitchen talking excitedly to Mad Eye and Kingsley. Her hands and mouth were both going a mile a minute, clearly rambling and gesturing excitedly. She hardly looked old enough to have even finished Hogwarts, let alone be a gifted Auror, but that's what the rumor was. And both her of mentors seemed to believe in her, so the rest of us decided not to let the fact that she had arrived that day, with a bright teal Mohawk, that made her look a bit like a peacock, make us doubt her.
It wasn't just the hair, which explained as something she was doing for an under cover assignment, for the Ministry, that made her stand out either. Nor was it just her age, or her energy. No even if you stripped all that away she would have made herself the center of attention just with her grace, or utter lack there off. Just that night alone she tripped over the umbrella stand, spilled two glasses of butter beer and broke one of Sirius's dining chairs by pushing herself up out of it too quickly, and knocking it over. In short she was a complete klutz. And it was cute.
I know that was probably a bit strange of me to think... That she was cute. She was so much younger than I was, not to mention her relation to my best friend. Something Sirius seemed to enjoy teasing me about regularly on any occasion when he caught me staring just a bit too long at her. Making cracks that “Moony, fancied his little cousin.” And how if I married her one day he and I would be relatives. It was a bit silly, but I couldn't help feeling like I did about her.
A majority of my life, the world had seemed like a dark, dismal, lonely place. My mind, a dark, lonely place. From the day James and Lily were killed, to the day I learned that Sirius wasn't guilty of their death, my only thoughts had been morose and melancholy. I lived the bleak, grey existence of a shunned, poor man, with no friends or family to speak of. Until the instant she breezed in with her amazing technicolor personality and even more bright hair. She became the light in the black tunnel of my world from right then until forever.
When Tonks came to me and admitted her feelings, though a year later, I resisted. I pushed her away, and did my best to keep my distance. Not because I didn't care for her in return, but because I did. I think it was plainly obvious from the way we'd flirted from the off, that I was attracted to her. Referring to her by her first name wasn't an accident, I did it just to make her annoyed, and have her insist not to call her Nymphadora. I suppose it was a bit juvenile but it worked. I adored her, and because of that I couldn't take her into my life romantically. I couldn't risk that the darkness, and the stigma of my condition would squelch the beautiful vibrancy of her soul. I couldn't do that to her.
Until one evening, everything changed. It was soon after Dumbledore's death. The night before his funeral in fact. I had found myself wondering the streets, of London, in a confused stooper. My best friend had been killed, the year before. And now my mentor and leader had been murdered as well. James and Lily had been gone for years. And Peter had been the one who betrayed them. It was in that night that I realized, everyone that had ever cared about me, ever loved was lost. And again the darkness swallowed, the world outside of my pessimistic bubble becoming but a pin prick, and I wandered the street.
The walls of thought around me growing thicker with each step I took over the aged roads, keeping me a prisoner to my solitude. If there were others on the street beside me, I didn't notice. Not outside stimuli getting through. I was by myself in my misery, the lone wolf. Deserted on the planet by all those that ever mattered to me. And then suddenly something stopped me in my somber stooper. A sound that had penetrated my bubble.
The Muggles in the home I'd just walked by, were listening to their radio loudly, with the windows open. And the fairest breeze of the night had captured the song, and carried the lyrics to my ears. The words putting but a ghost of thought in my head.
”Only you can be the aching in my heart
My enemy, the only animal I couldn't fight
You hold me in the dark when storms arrive
Only you” Sang the woman into the air. And I knew then, something I had been denying for quite sometime. I wasn't alone. I wasn't unloved. There was one someone out there for me. A pretty, young girl with pink hair and shimmering brown eyes. She was a girl that loved me, and I loved her in returned. Nymphadora Tonks, with her clumsiness, her energy and determination, it was her. Only she could love me in spite of who and what I was. And only she could that gleaming light in the night for me.