Summary: Susan and her great friend Harvey have been up to no good
Characters/Pairings: Susan Bones, House of Slytherin, Susan/Blaise
Genre: crack, gen, slight romance
Beta: I don't even remember, possibly Becky - my loyal Puff from way back when
Rating/Warnings: Teen/Mature for one section
Can the Order post to Tumblr?: yes
If yes, your Tumblr username: supercynful (or something along those lines)
A/N: Once upon a time I was a Hufflepuff. I was a part of a community where there was a knock out/drag out war between my two sides. During this war a Mr. Harvey Shuttlepants came to life.
Susan sat back with an evil grin. She was tired of everyone’s lack of respect for her house. That was just fine. It was all going to change in the near future with the help of her good friend, Harvey Shuttlepants.
Harvey was one of the lesser known Slytherins at Hogwarts. In fact, they tried to pretend he didn’t exist. That made his need for revenge against his housemates increase. He made friends quickly outside of his house until he found the perfect person to help humiliate his housemates.
Their first victim was the Ice Prince himself. Draco Malfoy would never belittle himself to speak to anyone outside of their house. He was too good for everyone. His nose remained in the air at all times. This made him an easy target.
Susan and Harvey were both sitting in the Quidditch stands when their opportunity to take care of the blond arose. It was a match that the Slytherin team did not even prepare for, Hufflepuff versus Slytherin. They decided they had the match won, weeks before it even took place. This made the sinister plot easier to incorporate into the game. None would know they had masterminded the entire episode, but it would be talked of for months afterwards.
Draco was circling the Quidditch pitch, watching the two teams below him. He glanced around looking for the elusive Snitch, but it was hidden well. Susan sent a silent spell out to the blond as he passed by her in the stands. As soon as he reached the stands in front of Harvey, another spell was sent out.
Draco realized a bit too late that he had been sent a sonorous charm. He claimed days later that the flatulence problem was not him, even though every person in the stands heard his gassy issues while flying by the stands. While in the midst of passing those lovely fumes from his body, quite loudly, the brave Hufflepuff seeker grabbed the Snitch.
Hufflepuff triumphed over Slytherin that day in the stands. It might not have been a large victory to any other team, but to the Hufflepuffs it meant quite a bit. It was made even sweeter when the Gryffindors created pins that warned of toxic fumes coming from the Ice Prince. People from three different houses proudly wore the pins and all stayed as far from him as they could.
Susan was not just happy at this. Oh no. She needed more revenge against those that wronged her house. She would make sure that she was around to expose as many of the Slytherins to a life of shame as she possibly could.
(435 words/15 points)
Pansy was draped all over Draco, again. It was a sight that made everyone sick. It almost always put Harvey off of his breakfast. The two of them were nauseating.
Harvey Shuttlepants looked over at his cohort in crime, the ever lovely Susan Bones in Hufflepuff. They had formed an alliance to bring down every single member of the Slytherin house that thought they were better than everyone else. They succeeded magnificently when Draco had his little flatulence problem.
The next person was going to be dear, sweet, sickening Pansy. Pansy had to have some body part touching Draco at all times. She could not go anywhere without the blond. Harvey didn't even know how she could truly part with him when he played Quidditch.
Harvey made eye contact with Susan and smirked. It was his way of saying, "Watch this!" He stood up and walked behind the couple and whispered a spell so silently, none heard it. He continued walking to the door, but turned when he heard a commotion coming from the Slytherin table.
The other tables were laughing at the sight that met his eyes. Pansy had grown tentacles that were all stuck to Draco's body. Draco was screaming trying to get her off of him, to no use. After Pansy was finally separated from him, Draco had several red circles covering his skin from where the tentacles had been attached.
Susan walked over to him and whispered quietly, "Good work, Harvey. I think Creevey even took pictures of this one." She continued out the door laughing.
Harvey smiled. His day was looking better already.
(263 words/9 points)
Day 3/Fake Cut for mature audiences
(1038 words/35 points)
Susan and Harvey walked quietly to their first class together, Herbology. They were quietly discussing what else they could do to torture Harvey's housemates. Draco and Pansy had been entirely too easy, and Blaise walked into his situation all by himself. I mean, who could blame Susan for defending her housemate?
They had plenty of ideas running through their heads, but the question was...what next?
Fortunately the next issue was taken completely out of their hands. Apparently Crabbe decided to take some food from the Great Hall and eat in class. The two friends walked in and saw him with his hand caught in the mouth of a baby mandrake that was being repotted. He had tears running down his face because the mandrake would not release his hand. It was clamping down on the hand with the sausage that Crabbe was holding half out of the side of it's mouth.
Professor Sprout saved the day, of course. She rescued the poor boy and took him straight to the hospital wing.
(168 words/6 points)
Susan and Harvey were sitting out under one of the trees talking about all the mischief they could get into and comparing notes on what all had happened to the poor unfortunate souls that crossed either of them. Granted, many of the people just did it easily without any help, such as Crabbe in Herbology. For the others it was so sweet watching their world come crashing down around them and seeing them realize that they were not nearly as perfect as they thought.
They were contemplating who else might need to be brought down a notch when they noticed that Draco, Crabbe, and Goyle were getting into another fight with Harry and his gang.
"I swear, Harvey, they just can't get along. I get tired of watching the six of them fight," Susan commented.
"I know what you mean, but there isn't much we can do on that score. It is an old rivalry in the making."
"True. Oh well, it looks as if it is over now." Susan was just about to study her notes again when she saw Goyle trip over a tree root as Draco was making his speedy escape from the Boy-Who-Lived.
Goyle looked up to see if anyone noticed. Ron immediately started in on how clumbsy Goyle really was. Draco looked at him and just kept walking. Goyle got up quickly and rushed off behind Draco, being careful to avoid any other tree roots.
Harvey was laughing quietly and looked over at Susan. "So, I guess that one goes under the title of them helping us, right?"
Susan smiled, "Yes, it sure does." She sat there for a minute, biting her lower lip. "Although, it isn't nearly as much fun unless we are in on it. I feel bad for him, in a way."
Harvey looked over at Susan in shock. "You aren't going soft on me?"
"Nah, don't worry about me, Harvey. Just because I might feel bad, it doesn't mean that I won't be the one to trip him the next time," she replied with an evil grin.
(338 words/11 points)
In one of their most brilliant plans yet to torture Harvey's housemates, the two friends set up an elaborate scheme to bring down many members of the house.
On the way to their Defense Against the Dark Arts class, the Slytherins always walked in a group down the second floor corridor to their class. It never failed. Draco and Pansy would be holding hands, or have some part of her body draped on him. Goyle and Crabbe would be directly behind them, daring anyone to try and walk with them. Blaise, Millicent, Daphne, and the others did not walk quite in formation, but rather formed a small group behind them. Harvey, being the outsider would always be in the very back. He was the lowest man on the totem pole. Sometimes that was a good thing.
Just as they were passing the girls bathroom, the door sprung open and water was sprayed out into the hallway. Apparently, Myrtle wasn't just happy flooding the floors today, she was out for revenge. A sputtering, soaking wet Draco slipped on the floor falling directly onto Pansy pushing her face into the water. Crabbe and Goyle, not paying attention at first tripped over the two of them and landed in a pile. The others stopped in their tracks, looking at the sight before them. No sooner had they stopped then the smell started.
Dungbombs! Everywhere, at least 15 had been dropped and many landed on the different students. Millicent tried to run back down the hallway, but a bat-boogey hex was thrown at her. Blaise tried to slide into the bathroom, but he tripped over Draco who was trying to get up. He landed right in Goyle's lap.
Harvey, who had to be a "victim" as well was doing his best not to laugh. He looked for Susan who was hidden down the hall taking pictures and laughing.
All of this commotion invited another visitor to the hallway. At least all of the Slytherins were soaking wet and smelling of dung. Millicent was just lovely, need we say more? Down the corridor and right past Susan, Peeves came into view. Harvey was worried about what the poltergeist would do, but he knew it would be hilarious.
"Oh what do we have here?? A wet ferret and an octopus playing in the water." Peeves was so excited by this he started sending more water into the pile of Slytherins around the hallway, singing happily of a ferret and an octopus kissing.
The group of students finally managed to get free from the poltergeist and the water and make their way to their next class. They had to sit in the class for an hour, soaking wet while everyone else just laughed and wondered what happened.
(453 words/15 points)
Susan was walking down the quiet hallway toward her favorite spot. It was a secret alcove hidden on the eighth floor. Thankfully few people ever wandered this far up in the castle. Most just didn't want to walk all of those steps.
Susan loved it. She could get the majority of her work done without interruptions. She could also work on her secret projects without prying eyes.
Susan set her books down in her corner and unfastened her robe. Up here it didn't matter if you were properly dressed or not. She laid her robe on the window. She then set about rolling up her sleeves. She kicked off her shoes and sat down in the window.
Susan opened her potions book to the chapter she was studying. She became absorbed in the principles behind the healing potion. She didn't notice the person walking towards her until he was right in front of her. She saw the feet and looked up the sleek body to his face. "Hello, Blaise," she said quietly.
"Susan," he said quietly looking at her, studying her face. He squatted down in front of her.
"Did you come back to be tortured again?" she asked looking into his chocolate colored eyes.
He put his hands on her knee and studied her face. "Does it have to be torture? You got revenge. I'm a laughing stock in my common room."
"So why are you here then?"
"I can't get you out of my mind, Susan. I close my eyes and dream of you?"
He put his finger over her mouth. "It will only be torture if you stay away from me." He leaned in and kissed her lips softly. "Please, Susan, give me a real chance."
"I demand too much, can you give me what I need?"
"Can you be faithful? Give up sex with whoever crosses your path? Can you be with only one person?" she asked quietly, looking into his eyes.
"To be with you…yes. Hell, Susan I followed you up eight flights of steps, passing Merlin knows how many others, quite a few throwing themselves in my path. You are the only person I think about, the only one I want. I can't get you out of my head. I need you," he pleaded, pain coming through his eyes.
Susan looked deeply into his eyes, seeing sincerity written along with the pain. "I'm not sure," she said, her defenses faltering.
It was what he had been waiting for. He leaned in close and caressed her cheek with one hand. She started to say something but his fingers silenced her. "I'll prove myself to you. I won't tell a soul, not until you are ready. I will be devoted to you until you say the word, until you can hold my hand and not feel worry about who I may be with."
She searched his face and silently nodded her head.
He pulled her head down to meet his in a sweet and gentle kiss. His lips caressing hers tenderly, "I'm forever yours, my sweet Hufflepuff."
"Don't promise me forever unless you can keep it," she warned.
(508 words/17 points)