Summary: Draco and Hermione are visiting Harry and Pansy in Australia. Heirs are being planned.
Characters/Pairings: Draco/Hermione, Harry/Pansy, Draco/Harry, Hermione/Pansy
Genre: Gen, Romance
Beta: I don't remember
Word Count: 2,605
Can the Order post to Tumblr?: Yep
If yes, your Tumblr username: super-cynful
A/N: This was written from very random prompts. Draco using a payphone and in an established relationship with anyone who's not pureblooded. He wand must be taken so he doesn't hex Muggles. Must include words: magenta, hamburger, Australia, gillyweed, & rubber duck. Let me also mention, this was pre-HBP so I personally find it funny that they are all in Australia. That's just me though.
“Yes, Father, everything is going according to plan. We just touched down in Australia from that damned airplane. Can you believe it had magenta seats? MAGENTA!” Draco ranted to his father. “I have to hurry. She is coming back with some god-awful food that these Muggles think is absolutely delicious. It was a horrid place, yellow and orange with a clown. The hamburgers looked incredibly greasy and purely something made from cardboard.”
Draco nodded his head a few times, “Yes, Father, I will be the dutiful husband. I shall love every putrid bite of the things.” Draco stopped for a moment before answering, “No, Potter is not here yet. He should be arriving shortly. Fine, I will call later from Potter’s house.”
Draco pulled himself out of the floo and dusted the soot off. He hated firecalls, but he had to keep everyone informed of his status.
He walked around the corner and ran directly into his arch nemesis. “Potter, still don’t know how to watch where you are going?”
“Malfoy, you just married my best friend. I have to be nice to you otherwise I would tell you to sod off and leave your arse standing in the middle of Muggle Sydney,” Harry smirked.
“You wouldn’t dare!” Draco actually looked petrified for a moment.
“Of course, he wouldn’t, Draco. He knows I would hex him if he did that,” Hermione said as she walked up holding a bag and two drinks. She leaned up and kissed Harry’s cheek.
Draco took the bag from her and the drinks and let them greet each other properly. “Watch it, Potter. That is my wife you are pawing.”
Hermione laughed as she let go of Harry. She turned around and kissed Draco on the cheek. You know I love you.”
“Of course you do, but not nearly as much as I love you. Honestly, Potter, the Outback?”
Harry stole a French fry from the McDonald’s bag as they began to walk out of the terminal. “You will love it here, Draco. The scenery is absolutely amazing. It is so open here and so beautiful. It also doesn’t rain every other day.”
Hermione was taking a bite out of her hamburger as they walked through the terminal. She offered a bite to Draco. “I told you already, Hermione, I do not wish to eat while walking through an airport.”
“They are best hot, Draco,” she said as she took another bite.
“She has a point. Once they cool off it tastes worse than gillyweed.” Harry and Hermione both laughed at that, knowing how true it was. “I’m so glad the two of you could come out. Pansy has been looking forward to seeing you for ages.”
“How is Pansy doing?” Draco asked. “Why didn’t she come with you?”
“She didn’t want to make the journey in the Jeep. We live about two hours away. She said she wasn’t feeling good, but honestly I think she just hates it when I make her go by Muggle means,” Harry said with a laugh, feeling at ease with the other couple.
Harry led them outside to his Jeep. They hopped in and began the long, two-hour journey. Draco could not say he blamed Pansy much. He would have preferred Apparating as well. Harry and Hermione continued to catch up and chat on their way to Harry’s house.
They pulled up to a modest house on a ranch and got out of the car. They walked inside and saw no sign of Pansy. To say that Draco had been disappointed was an understatement. Hermione wrapped her arms around him and kissed him. “I’m sure she just stepped out for a minute. She did have to wait four hours, love.”
He returned her kiss slowly. “You are right. I have not seen her since the twins were born. I miss her.”
“Well,” Harry said coming in from the kitchen. “She left a note for us to call when we got here and she would bring the boys right back. Did I mention they couldn’t wait to see you two? They are so big now.”
Harry led the two of them to a bedroom down the hall. “Just leave your stuff in here. Dobby will unpack for you. Don’t start, Hermione, he will be insulted if you do it. When you are done, come on back out here. Draco since you haven’t used a phone before, I think it is time you learned.”
“A phone?” Draco’s expression said it all.
“Oh yes, my love. A telephone. It is how we communicate with my parents. It is high time you learned how to use it. Otherwise how will they ever know when I go into labor?”
“You’re pregnant?” Harry exclaimed.
“No, of course not, Harry,” Hermione said. “That is what we are going to be working on while we are down here.” She grinned evilly as Harry turned green.
“You just did not have to give me that image, Hermione. That is just awful! Horrible! I’m leaving now. Please take his wand. I have a feeling that we are going to have to meet Pansy and I can’t run the risk of all the Muggles that she is around.”
“My wand? No way in hell,” Draco exclaimed. Harry walked out the door laughing.
Hermione turned around and looked at her husband. He was doing so well. She wrapped her arms around him. “I will protect you from the evil Muggles. We will just take your wand and I will keep it with me. Does that sound like a good plan? That way you can get to it, if you really want it.” She leaned up and kissed him.
He wrapped his arms around her and deepened the kiss. He pulled away and looked into her eyes, “You did just agree to get pregnant, right? I did just hear that.”
Hermione smiled, “On one condition; when I take your wand, you don’t pout.”
Draco leaned in and kissed her again. He let his hands roam down her back. “I can’t wait for us to begin.”
“Me neither,” she said softly gazing into his grey eyes. She pulled away from him and led him down the hall. “So, Harry, where is this phone? I want to see my Godsons.”
Harry smiled, “Well, you see we have to apparate to the corner store and use the pay phone there. Pansy took the cell phone with her and we don’t have a landline right now.”
Hermione controlled her laughter. “Alright, let’s go.”
They walked back to the Jeep, Draco muttering about bloody Gryffindors and their laughter. It only made Hermione and Harry laugh a bit harder. Harry drove them to the closest store, which turned out to be a drugstore. They walked to the side of the store where this metal contraption stood. Draco looked at it strangely. “What exactly will this do again?”
“It will connect you to Pansy or anyone else who has a telephone,” Harry said calmly. “First you take the receiver off of the base and then you put your money in that little slot.”
Draco looked at the change as he picked up the headset. He slipped the coins into the slot still believing that the two of them were insane. There were easier ways to do this. “Alright now you dial this number and listen for a ring in the handset.”
Draco sneered at Harry, but placed the headset near his head. He wondered if something might jump out at him. He pushed the buttons that Harry had pointed out. He heard a low ringing in his ear.
“Pansy, is that you?” Draco asked in surprise. She sounded like she was right behind him.
”Yes, it is me. So you finally made it down here?” Draco heard a muffled scream in the background. ”You need to hurry up and get here before these Muggles drive me nuts!”
“Are you alright, Pansy? The boys? What was that scream?” Draco was about to panic.
”Yes, we are fine. Just tell, Harry that it is feeding time. He will know where to bring you. Gotta run and save Jack. Bye, love.”
Draco heard a click. He looked at the handset and then put it back where it came from. “First and foremost, what kinds of germs are on that thing? Am I going to die from exposure to it?”
Harry and Hermione laughed but said no. “Well, then her exact words were, ‘It is feeding time.’ Whatever that means.”
Harry laughed again. “Oh, she would pick today of days, wouldn’t she? Come along, guys. Hermione, you do have his wand safe, right?”
“What is going on?” Draco demanded as they got back into the Jeep. Harry just laughed as he drove to the local Golden Arches.
Draco’s face paled as he saw the same restaurant that Hermione had made him stop at earlier. This time there were kids screaming. “What the bloody hell is all of this?”
“Come on and see your Godsons, Draco. There’s Pansy now,” Harry said pointing inside the cage looking thing.
Draco followed Harry while holding on to Hermione’s hand. He was quite happy that she wasn’t laughing. He walked through the gate into the cage and was soon hugged by Pansy. “Oh thank heavens, a sane person! Save me, Draco.”
They were nearly knocked over as two little two-year-old twins both attached themselves to her legs. “Oh you beasts! Can’t you bug your father?”
“But we want you, Mommy!” they both yelled at her.
Draco leaned down and looked at the little creatures, exact replicas of their father down to their green eyes. They did have cute little pug noses, but he would never mention it to them.
They were properly introduced to the twins before Pansy and Harry went inside and ordered dinner. They brought it out to the cage like area where a large plastic tree stood. It had a slide, a net, and so many different things on it that Draco was afraid to let the twins go in. Hermione convinced him that it was safe.
Draco began to eat slowly on the chicken sandwich that Pansy gave him, after whispering that it was the best she could do there. He nearly choked on it when a group of screaming kids ran past him and into the tree.
By the time they left, Draco’s nerves were completely frazzled. Pansy took pity on him and led him to her bathroom. Hermione and Harry sat downstairs catching up and laughing over Draco’s experience. The twins had been put to bed.
Pansy ran the bath water for Draco as they chatted. She picked up the rubber duck that the boys had left in the room earlier. “Draco, come on, you have to try. It isn’t that bad down here. I think that you should move down here with us.”
“Pansy, you only want me here for civilized conversation,” he drawled under his migraine.
“True, but at least we would see each other more frequently. You have to admit that would be beneficial,” she said quietly.
“Beneficial when you need a babysitter,” he said calmly. “I’m needed at home for business deals. I have finally made a name for myself that has not been dragged through the mud.”
Pansy smiled at him, “I can always try to get Harry to change your mind.”
“Harry? What on earth could he say that could make him change my mind about moving down here?” he asked as he closed his eyes.
He felt a body move into the large tub behind him. Then he felt to arms wrap around him as a voice near his ear whispered, “How about you move down here, get Hermione pregnant and then we have the relationship that you really want. Pansy and Hermione can finally be together and no one will be the wiser.”
Draco groaned as the voice caressed his ear and one of the hands slipped around his waist and grasped his hardening cock. “Think about, Draco. As it is, I believe your wife might need some company. I think I shall go see her. After such a long flight, I’m sure she could use a massage.”
“Sure, I get her to agree to sex with me and then you have to come in and take over, Pansy,” he said softly as lips were attached to his neck, sucking softly.
“I love you, too, Draco. Enjoy my husband,” she laughed as she closed the door behind her.
Draco leaned back into Harry’s body. “Draco, I do believe you were just given a direct order from your best friend.”
“Hmmm, and what would that be?” he asked sleepily enjoying the body behind him and the hand stroking him.
“You had better begin to enjoy her husband or I swear to god I am going to call Hermione in here and have her talk to you about blue balls,” Harry groaned into his ear.
“Oh gods, please not that!” he said quickly. He turned around in the tub and straddled Harry’s lap. He looked down into the green eyes gazing back at him. “Is this better?” he asked as he leaned in for a kiss.
“Much better,” Harry mumbled in between kisses.
Draco walked downstairs to see Pansy and Hermione cuddled in front of the fire. “I think he is losing his touch, Pansy. He is down here after only two hours.”
Harry laughed as he walked in behind the blond. “No, he just convinced me that he needed to call his father. It was a mood spoiler to say the least.”
Hermione raised her eyebrow, “Oh and what are you going to tell, Father?”
Draco smirked, “Well the truth, of course. This blasted Outback could do with the finer things in life. I plan on buying quite a bit of land and creating a decent wizarding population here. Hell, we may be able to convince a few Weasleys to move down as well. What do you think my beautiful wife?” He leaned down and kissed her softly.
“I think that is a perfect idea. The first Malfoy born in Australia, heir to the newest Wizarding World’s city. If I’m not mistaken, Harry has already drawn up some ideas. They are over on the desk,” she said with a smile.
“I think Father would like to see those tonight, let him mull it over. Oh and by the way, love. Here is the vial that you wanted. Please be careful with the little fellas.”
Hermione smiled. “Oh joy, where is the turkey baster?”
“Turkey baster? Don’t you even threaten my heir that way?”
“Don’t worry, Draco. I won’t let her harm my Godsons,” Pansy said quietly. “We will go do the spell in the other room and have her lie down for a bit. Make sure you tell your father that you are working on getting her pregnant.”
“Trust me, I will,” he said before turning around and walking to the fireplace in the other room.